Have you ever had a day when things started off on the right foot?  You got up on time, maybe went to the gym, had a good breakfast, helped your kids get ready and out the door or you got enough sleep and felt ready to take on the day and get things done!  Then at some point your motivation and upbeat attitude shifted.  You started feeling irritated, annoyed, angry, sad even to the point of feeling depressed and wanting to retreat and hideaway.  What seemed like a good day now turned into a “bad day”.  You’re not sure why the change. What happened?

If you’re the introspective type, you might stop what you are doing, take a few minutes and ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way?  If you’re stuck for an answer may I suggest this:  Start by asking, “What am I thinking that led me to feel this way?”  There might have been an external event that clearly triggered the feelings, but the thoughts you attached to the event is what led to the feelings.

Ready?  Let’s dive into this.  Let’s take the e-mail from your boss asking about something on your “to-do list”, that quick look on Instagram or Facebook, or that text from your teenager.  All these events trigger thoughts of incompetence, thoughts that you’re ranking low on the happiness/success scale compared to others, or that you are failing as a parent.  Soon after you find yourself acting on those feelings.  You send a defensive e-mail to your boss, take the rest of the day off feeling depressed or you call your teen getting into a yelling match.  Now you’re really having a bad day!

The truth is that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all intertwined.  What is also true is that our thoughts are the biggest determiners of happiness and inner peace or on the flip side, unhappiness, and internal chaos.  Our thoughts can either create a day filled with optimism and contentment or a day filled with pessimism and defeat.  James Allen, British author published a  book in 1903 that is believed to be one of the most influential philosophical self-help books of its time and the present:  As a Man Thinketh.  Drawn from biblical scripture (Proverbs 23:7), “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he….”, Allen poetically suggests that our character is the sum of our thoughts and our circumstances are the fruit of such thoughts.  He eloquently explains:

“Mind is the Master power that molds and makes,

And Man is Mind and evermore he takes,

The tool of Thought and shaping what he wills,

Brings forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills:

He thinks in secret, and it comes to pass:

Environment is but his looking glass.”

Although we may not like to admit it, our environment is many times a mirror of what’s inside.  The negative thoughts we tell ourselves end up manifesting in our environment because we act on them and ultimately contribute to, or create a “bad day”.  Being aware of this is key because it means that we can alternatively create the opposite: a GOOD DAY (or neutral is good too).  So how do we do that?  Here are a few ideas:

1.CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS:  Simple enough, right?  Replace negative thoughts with thoughts that elicit peace, calmness,  and acceptance no matter what happened in the day.  Thoughts of acceptance are especially helpful since it takes the energy out of trying to change something that already happened and cannot be changed.

Examples of some things you can think or tell yourself are:

“I can stay calm.”

“This moment will pass.”

“This will not matter tomorrow.”

“I am doing the best that I can.”

“I am smart and capable.”

“There is nothing I can do about someone else’s attitude, but I can have control over how I respond.”

2. SMILE MORE:  Even if you don’t feel like it.  If putting on a full smile feels fake, then start with a slight smile. Research shows that it makes for a happier mood and even helps you live longer!   (Abel, E. L., & Kruger, M. L. (2010). Smile intensity in photographs predicts longevity. Psychological Science.)

3. GIVE SOMEONE A COMPLIMENT:  Giving a compliment is automatically a mood booster for both you and the receiver.  It shifts the attention away from the negative of your day.

4. NOTICE THE GOOD:  From the blossoming of flowers, chirping of birds the warmth of the sun, to the sound of playful children, or to the simple observation of noticing the courtesy extended to you at a four-way stop to go first.  Train your mind to look for the good no matter how your day is going.

5. BE GRATEFUL:  Think of at least three things that are going well in your day or life in general.  Be grateful and thankful for it.  It can’t all be bad. And if you think so, then it’s really time for a major mind overhaul.

6. PRAY/MEDITATE/PRACTICE MINDFULNESS:  I think this is the most powerful thing to do to turn your day around.  Take a break, sit down, bow your head, close your eyes, and slow down your breathing.  Breathe in and out slowly.  Talk to God about how you’re feeling like a good old friend or simply notice your thoughts as if they were before you.  Pausing to step back and look at the big picture will help you gain perspective of what changes you can make to turn your day around and what is beyond your control.  The Serenity Prayer is a go-to if you like guided prayer on letting go of the things we cannot change.  If you are someone who struggles with anxiety on a daily basis or has great difficulty regulating your emotional responses, I suggest seeking professional help.  Along with therapy and with the guidance of your therapist,  you may want to look into The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood, and Jeffrey Brantley.  It is a self-help book with a psychoeducational component that covers basic and advanced mindfulness skills that help with anxiety.